PROOF That Trump SUPPORTERS Are Paid Professionals!

With the alleged “protests” that have recently sprung up, rumors have been swirling that these “protesters” are actually paid professionals. However, I have come into exclusive information that in fact proves the opposite is true: Trump’s SUPPORTERS are the ones who are paid professionals! This sounds shocking, but take a look at this picture of an anti-Trump protest:


If you look very closely, you’ll notice that there is not a single Trump supporter in the crowd of crying children. This is the crux of my evidence that Trump’s supporters are actually paid workers: none of them are at this protest because they are all at their jobs, or sleeping because they need to go to them tomorrow morning.

Shocking, I know. To think that Trump’s supporters were actually employed the entire time is a stunning revelation of how the president-elect could have gained so much support. The subsection of Americans who don’t need to maintain a $15/hour position standing around being angry because they possess other skills is clearly a silent majority. Where have they been this whole time? Why is the media ignoring the fact that, every day, millions of Americans go to their jobs without smashing so much as a single windshield?

I don’t know how George Soros is funding all of these peaceful citizens who have accepted the results of their democratic election like mature adults, but I know the autists of the alt-right will get to the bottom of it sooner or later.

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Repeal and Replace the Constitution

Folks, America is a mess. The disaster known as the Constitution has been tearing apart this country for 240 years, and with over 25-ish amendments it’s showing no signs of stopping. I know that President Trump is going to make a point to replace Obamacare with a much better Trumpcare (trust me, the name will catch on) but I think this country is too Obama-ed up for that to fix it. This is why I propose the first action of the incoming Trump administration to be immediately repealing (and replacing) the Constitution.

We’ve done it before. The Articles of Confederation served as our Constitution for more than 11 years. There were presidents during that time. Try to name one of them, I dare you.

Trump will not be the 45th President, because he will be the 1st President under the newly-trademarked Trumpstitution. What kind of rights could the Trumpstitution offer the average American? I’m no lawyer, but I have a couple ideas:

Not Mexican

Every American will have the right to be not Mexican. This may seem obvious, but the false song of globalism has crept into too many hearts and we need it to be explicitly written that America is not Mexico. Otherwise, who’s to say we’re even America?

Mandatory Gay Conversion Therapy

This applies to everyone, not just gay people. If you are gay, you will be forced to hold a 9-volt battery on your tongue until you agree that it does in fact taste like a vagina to do that. If you are straight, it will be required for you to become gay. This may not make sense, but it is only fair.

Electoral High School

People have complained that the electoral college is somehow unfair, so we’re going to lower the bar even further. The electoral high school will consist of 538 16-year-olds who make their decisions based not on the votes of their state, but on whatever is the opposite of what their parents want.

Black People Get 2 Votes

This will encourage pandering to a demographic that is largely overlooked anytime that isn’t an election year. This vote multiplier is doubled anytime a black president is currently in play. The extra vote could also be used to negate a Republican’s vote. Also we’re sorry for slavery.

/pol/ Gets Representation in Congress

They’ve clearly demonstrated their influence on American politics, so they will receive the standard two senators and a number of representatives equal to the last two digits of this post.

Also Not Canadian

Anyone promising to move to Canada after the election will have their vote retroactively nullified if they don’t follow through. Don’t be a pussy.

I understand that this reads more like a list of demands than a proposal for a New World Order, but it’s just a jumping-off point. If you have any suggestions for our new Bill of Rights, please don’t hesitate to let me (or President Trump) know.

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This Is the Exact Moment I Became a Trump Supporter

From the first Republican primary debate, when the candidates are asked to pinky-promise not to run an independent campaign if they lost:


Trump’s little peek-around to see if he’s really the only one, his confident wave, and the roaring boo’s that filled the arena immediately convinced me that this was a man worth watching. What’s great is that the media tried to get Trump with little “gotchas” like this that never even mattered because he kept winning so hard. Sure, he’ll accept the results. Because he’ll win.

The absolute madman.


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Remember, remember,

The 8th of November,

The shill BTFO by Trump.

I know of no reason,

To not try for treason,

And lock up that blonde-haired old dump.

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2 Parties is 2 Much

This is America. A country built on success, and a lot of it. The American Dream is that of glorious victory. The Revolutionary War was us against the British. The war of 2016 is Donald Trump against cucks. What they have in common is their outcomes: one winner, and one loser. It’s the David and Goliath mentality that keeps Americans going. The idea that every successful moment you have means that someone else failed miserably is the backbone of capitalism. Glory at the expense of others’ defeat is the gold that paved the roads of colonial America.

So why do liberals want to topple this pillar of society?

The liberal media is known for propagating the notion that the two-party political system is somehow destroying America. And in a way they’re right, because one of those parties is full of Democrats. But in the typical liberal backwards approach to problem solving, their proposed solution isn’t to abolish the Democratic Party but instead to add more political parties.

This would be catastrophic to American politics. Making elections an N-way race is like turning football into NASCAR, which is a literal race. And we really don’t need to bring more race into politics. Also, as we add more political parties we’ll need to come up with more colors for electorate maps which would make them really confusing to read.

This shit doesn't make any sense.

This shit doesn’t make any sense.

This is why what we really need is fewer political parties. I would be fine with, at most, a one-party system but preferably none. Any form of organization under shared political ideals would be banned in my perfect America. This would be strictly enforced by forbidding anyone from holding office who receives more than 1,000 votes (which also eliminates voter fraud, killing two birds with one stone).

It will also make elections easier, because if at most one person is running then there will be no heated debate to divide the nation over who to vote for. Abraham Lincoln is known for saying, “A house divided [is seriously fucked],” and it’s important that we avoid that at all costs. If everyone belonged to the same political party there would be no hatred among neighbors, and if no one belonged to any political party there wouldn’t even be anything to be mad about.

That’s why it’s important that everyone votes for Donald Trump this fall. We need strength through unity, and that strength will come with work. The reward, however, will be the freedom that we as Americans truly deserve.

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