With the alleged “protests” that have recently sprung up, rumors have been swirling that these “protesters” are actually paid professionals. However, I have come into exclusive information that in fact proves the opposite is true: Trump’s SUPPORTERS are the ones who are paid professionals! This sounds shocking, but take a look at this picture of an anti-Trump protest:
If you look very closely, you’ll notice that there is not a single Trump supporter in the crowd of crying children. This is the crux of my evidence that Trump’s supporters are actually paid workers: none of them are at this protest because they are all at their jobs, or sleeping because they need to go to them tomorrow morning.
Shocking, I know. To think that Trump’s supporters were actually employed the entire time is a stunning revelation of how the president-elect could have gained so much support. The subsection of Americans who don’t need to maintain a $15/hour position standing around being angry because they possess other skills is clearly a silent majority. Where have they been this whole time? Why is the media ignoring the fact that, every day, millions of Americans go to their jobs without smashing so much as a single windshield?
I don’t know how George Soros is funding all of these peaceful citizens who have accepted the results of their democratic election like mature adults, but I know the autists of the alt-right will get to the bottom of it sooner or later.